My House is My Playground, Not a Battlefield. 

I don’t know about you but I am not the queen in the house during lockdown.  I’m the Chief Secretary, Chief of Staff, Prime Minister, Doctor, Therapist, Nutritionist, Chef, Housekeeping… Equally all the above.  24-7. My ingenious squawks are “Basuh tangan dengan sabun!” and “Minum air!”.  Yes, I’m that annoying.  I can see kids and Mr. Adjushi (especially Mr. Adjushi) mocking me.  Laughing at me, that’s fine.  Just make sure you boys keep washing hands.  

Ikhlas to admit, deep deep deep deep (yeahhh really deep down) I’m struggling emotionally and physically with few setbacks.  Every day.  My knees are fragile.  I feel discomfort when I bend or standing too long.  My back has tingling sensation between shoulders and to my waist.  I feel discomfort on my neck and legs.  I have hard time falling asleep although I’m tired because my arms keep feeling numb.  I feel stuffy from over thinking.   

Despite all above.  I’m happy.  My boys are with me.  I see them, kiss them, hug them.  Alhamdulillah… Complete.  

When I feel like giving up.  I tell myself.  Life is perfect when you have good days and bad days.  Life is about feeling content between hardships.  Find reasons to keep moving forward not excuses to stop.  Life is about being grateful with everyone and everything… Love and empathy.  Calm and chaos.  Ease and pain.  Balance.

Thanks to my anxiety, I started panicking (still am) when I heard first case reported in US last January. I started planning our food supply.  We stock-up (no panic buying here) before our Europe vacation.  I didn’t buy one kind of food instead I bought variety.  I know my kids, I know my husband.  Their manners, moods and tastes around food are predictable.  That’s why I bought a little bit of everything while keeping rice, instant noodles and soy drink as priorities.  

My brain is constantly working.  What to cook, make dua’as, which food can boost body’s immune system, make dua’as, when is the best time to sanitize the whole house (morning or night), make dua’as, how are kids coping with remote learning, make dua’as.  Yes, my defense is dua’a.  I make lots of dua’as.  I hold firm faith on Allah’s promises to believers.  Dua’as from a wife or a mother is strong (which to my advantage, I fit both descriptions).  I am a wife.  I am a mother.  That is why I keep making dua’as while relentless taking care of myself, my family, our household.  

I have two bertuah gentlekids and an annoying gentleman in my house. Their well-being is my top priority.  One of the ways to do that (proven over and over again!) is feeding their tummies.  Happy tummies, happy life.  My designation as a Chef in this household is my wow moment (patting my own shoulder moment).  I bake and I cook.  Yes, standing ovation, please!  Not everyone (except an extraordinaire like me) can do both, on the same freaking day!  Baking is about measurements, precisions.  Cooking is about reflexes, sensitivity to tastes.  You know you’re doing a good job when both your masakan and kuih muih habis.  Licin.  Elek.  And they want more!  

I am amazed at my hidden talents.  Serious! I’m playing this game with me, myself and I.  Keeping up with myself.  To keep surprising me.  Haha.  

My house is my playground. I’m tired but I’m having fun.  

My house is not a battlefield.  Feeling sad at an unfriendly environment.

Until my next blog…



March 21, 2020

Living Room 

New York